A Beautiful Crisis

"Kids are a crisis. They're a beautiful crisis, but they're a crisis nonetheless. No one tells you this because they want you to have kids, too, so that the species survives. You don't realize it when you're in the middle of it either. Your only goal is to crawl across the finish line of an early bedtime and live to see another day." Jon Acuff

First of all, Jon Acuff is a writer and speaker, but he should be a stand-up comedian. I am reading his book, "Finish", and while I am learning a lot, I am laughing even more.

Also, it's okay to admit that parenting is freakin' hard. So.freakin.hard.

It is beautiful and ugly. It's my biggest success and my biggest failure ON A DAY TO DAY, MINUTE BY MINUTE BASIS.

It is by far, the greatest, most incredible dream and calling God has ever given me. But some days, this beautiful fairytale of a calling makes me want to curl in a ball and hide under my covers (it's been known to happen).

So if it feels unbelievably hard, and like nothing you ever expected or imagined, that's okay. It's supposed to feel that way. You're not alone.

Surrender to the Unknown

“Now I know that the best thing I can offer to this world is not my force or energy, but a well-tended spirit, a wise and brave soul.” Shauna Niequist

I've been reading Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist and it's one of those books I'll have to read over and over to truly digest. It's the kind of book you need to just marinate in.

This idea of heart over hustle, of presence over perfection, of grace over performance, of rest over rigidity...is something I've always believed in, talked about, and tried to practice.

But recently, God is taking me so much deeper. Where I thought I understood grace, I am still striving. Where I thought there was contentment, there is still a greed for more. Where I thought there was rest, there is still relentless urge to DO.

But I am surrendering to it. I am surrendering to the not knowing, the idea that I am not as together as I thought. I can be okay here for a while, marinating in the unknown, truly depending on Jesus, trusting Him to show me the way.