When I first decided I would have my first daughter, Sienna, naturally (without an epidural or drugs of any kind), it came from a place of competitiveness. I mostly just wanted to see if I could do it. She was born via water birth in Westlake, OH, at a birthing center within St. John's Medical Center. (Isn't that cool? A birthing center INSIDE a hospital?!) Here is post about her birth story.
So I did it. And in the days following her birth, I swore I would never do it again. It hurt. Bad. Really really bad.
But less than two years later, in early 2013, I found out I was pregnant again, and started researching birthing centers in Tampa. I was ready to take on the challenge of a natural childbirth again. Why? Honestly, I couldn't tell ya. I am sure my competitiveness once again played a huge component though.
Anyways, I found Labor of Love Birthing Center in Lutz, FL, went on a tour, and scheduled my first ultrasound at 10 weeks. Thank goodness I didn't wait for that 20 week ultrasound because as it turns out...I was pregnant with TWINS. I was quickly referred to Dr. Atef Zakhary, and gave birth to my sweet boys, Price and Maddox, on October 28th, 2013. I was blessed to deliver vaginally, though Maddox was born breech. (I still need to write about their birth story.)
When I found myself pregnant again in September 2015, I knew I wanted to return to Labor of Love. I had a great experience at Tampa General with Dr. Zakhary, but I hated being induced, and after delivering my boys in an operating room full of stainless steel, bright lights, and what seems like a hundred people looking on, I was ready for a more natural, organic experience.
I really adore Labor of Love. Every staff person I've met is kind and thoughtful. Children are more than welcome. Each midwife answers all of your questions thoroughly, and takes as much time as you may need at each appointment. I felt valued and cared for.
But I am not immune to the doubts and fears that come with an out of hospital birth. Though I had delivered Sienna naturally, I had been in a hospital. If I let my mind and thoughts "go there", I could have definitely freaked myself out. But I knew the kind of experience I wanted, trusted the midwives, and more importantly, trusted God with my health and the health of my baby.
Okay...now on to the story...
On my due date, May 28th (40 weeks is the longest I had ever been pregnant), I started getting consistent contractions. I went for a walk, met my best friend, Jess, at the park, and they were still coming. Around 12:30pm, I decided I should start timing them. They came 4 minutes a part for the next 2 hours, but I remained pretty unconcerned and un-rushed. But then I lost my mucus plug, which made me wonder if I should consider getting to the birthing center (with Sienna I progressed very rapidly). Around 3 o'clock, I called Matt and told him to come home, arranged childcare for my "big" kids, and Matt, my mom, and I arrived at the birthing center around 4:15pm.
The contractions were still very manageable...we were laughing, joking, etc. At 4:45, they checked me and I was only 4cm dilated and 60% effaced. I was slightly disappointed I wasn't further along, but assumed I would still go very fast based on my birth with Sienna (I went from 4cm to 10cm in 1 hour).
Shortly after being checked, the contractions became more painful. Whereas before I was "handling" the contractions while still hanging out in the living room (my birthing suite had a common area, small kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom), I soon started going in to the other room when I would have a contraction. I didn't want to be around anyone. To be honest, I didn't know I would be like that (not wanting to be around anyone), but I believe that I could focus better without my husband and mom watching me. Plus, there really wasn't anything they could do to help me.
I spent the next 4 hours doing a lot of pacing as the contractions became more and more intense. Granted, I was definitely more prepared for this kind of pain than I was with Sienna, it still took me by surprise. I still forgot just how painful labor is. They were "bring you to your knees" kind of contractions, the kind of contractions that make you just want to cry.
Surprisingly I was very stoic through all of this. I didn't scream or cry out or sob. I focused on taking deep breaths and tried to remember that these mind-blowingly painful contractions were bringing the baby closer to meeting me.
At 8:30pm, Bea (my midwife), checked me, and I was only 6cm dilated, 80% effaced, and the baby's head was not directly on my cervix, but sitting on the right side of my pelvis. Now I wanted to cry. Only 2 cm in 4 hours and in that kind of pain?!
So at 8:45pm, Jesus and I had a little talk (no joke). I prayed (demanded) that this baby be born by 9:30pm because I could NOT do this much longer. I was suffering and I was going to give up. I was allowing doubt and fear to creep in. I started to think that maybe I just wasn't going to be able to do it this time, maybe I'm not going to have the birth experience I wanted and hoped for.
But in all truthfulness, knowing there were so many people praying for us at that very moment, gave me a peace and strength and hope that I know I would not have had otherwise. So thank you, friends.
Around 9pm, I awkwardly climbed in to the tub (how else do you climb in to a tub 9 months pregnant and mostly naked?), and the contractions became more frequent immediately (now every 2-3 minutes). As far as I know, my water hadn't broke yet, and I was feeling a bit desolate. I had no idea how much longer this was going to last, and wasn't sure I wanted to know!
But after 4-6 contractions, suddenly Tessa decided to make her appearance. I was in the midst of breathing and groaning through another contraction, when all of a sudden, I knew, as only women who experience natural childbirth know, it was DEFINITELY time to push.
Remember how stoic I had been? That brave, deep breathing, silent girl went out the door in that moment. I screamed, "Bea, the baby is coming!" and then screamed again (when I say scream, I mean high-pitched, frantic screaming). I call it my "in the movies" childbirth moment. I felt like I was ripping in half, to be quite frank.
Bea quickly calmed me down and urged me to focus. I pushed once, they saw her chin, I pushed again, and this slimy, cantaloupe-sized baby squirmed right out in to the water directly in front of me (I gave birth on my knees with my back to everyone). I scooped the baby up (which was SO COOL and unexpected that I got to bring her up out of the water), I turned towards Matt, and in the same instant, we saw that our mystery baby was a girl and I immediately thought of my oldest daughter. I couldn't wait to tell Sienna she had a baby sister.
It was 9:15pm. Jesus was listening.
Wow. To write it is to re-live it, and I can still experience the same feelings of immense relief that it was over, I did it, and I had a baby girl to show for it. Childbirth is the never-ending miracle, isn't it?
I stayed in the tub while my placenta was delivered, and then moved to the bed, so they could assess the damage ;) And by the grace of God, though I felt like I was ripping in half, I didn't tear at all. (Hallelujah!)
I am sure I will never truly know how fortunate I am to have had such wonderful birth experiences with healthy babies, but I am doing my best to never take that for granted because I know not everyone's story ends happily. I know not everyone gets the experience they hoped for.
I remain and always will be grateful and humbled by the blessings of my children, Sienna Rose, Price Vincent, Maddox Pearce, and Tessa Hope.
