One of my Least Favorite Words

Striving has become one of my least favorite words. Just hearing the word makes me tired. I spent the last part of 2016 and the first half of 2017 STRIVING; I was reaching too far, stretching myself too thin. I didn’t feel like I was doing anything well: coaching, mothering, or wife(ing). By mid-2017, I was exhausted and burnt out.

Reading this excerpt from “She Is Free”, by Andi Andrew, took me right back to that season of my life:

“Whenever I feel totally out of my depth, unable to achieve what I am supposed to do, I know I’ve stepped out of connection with God and have started to walk in STRIVING and fear. Worry leads to a striving life of self-preservation instead of one of rest in God’s unfailing love. When we seek Him first, we are rewarded with HIM…
When we CLAW after our own destiny in fear, we reap anxiety and striving, and the “STUFF” we accumulate must be maintained by our own strength.”

Striving is not a place I want to live and walk in. I can’t do it. I’m not meant to do it.

I want to live according to my priorities. I want to work hard and know when to stop. I want to trust the process. I want to rest in the hope of Jesus. I want to dream God-sized dreams and then surrender.

It all sounds so good, right? But I don’t live there ^ everyday. I relapse into striving. I imagine we all do. But if we are going to strive, let us STRIVE after the life of ABUNDANCE and joy and hope and REST God has already given us, IF we will just ease into it, ease into HIM.

More Than Enough

I've been reading "She Is Free" by Andi Andrew and the she is laying down TRUTH all day long. But it was these words that hit me square and left a mark:

"Am I serving the God of Just Enough or the God of More Than Enough? Am I operating out of inadequacy, pride or false humility?

I have always subconsciously labeled myself as undeserving- never expecting too much of God's desires for my life. In order to avoid disappointment, I hoped little. I'll have 'just enough' my whole life.

Without knowing it, I had believed a lie that it was selfish to dream big, or dare I say it, even want for more."

This.was.me. All of it. Every word described the Dara of the past.

I set the bar low for my life, so I wouldn't get disappointed. I assumed my best days were behind me. I thought my role as a mama was the ONLY way God was ever going to use me again. I didn't expect to take on any more roles, any more callings, any more purpose.

I thought God was done with me. And I kind of wanted Him to be. I didn't hope for more or believe for better. I convinced myself that I was content, that I was fine, that I was happy. And in many ways I WAS, but in many ways, I certainly was not.

Finally, I got honest with myself, realized the state my soul was REALLY in, and did something about it. I stepped out in faith, became a virtual health and fitness coach, began to share my story, and it's been a WILD, beautiful, hard, purpose-filled journey ever since.

I am NOW serving the God of More Than Enough.

I hope you are too because He is so much MORE, than just enough.

Abundance

Do you choose a “word” for the year? If so, what’s your word?

Last year, for the first time, I decided I wanted in on this game. 

My word for 2017 was “AVAILABLE”. I wanted to be more interruptible, I wanted to be less focused on me and my perceived lack of time and more on others (namely my family) and what was needed around me. My word was not life-changing and I think I did an okay job of living it out, but I appreciated the focus it gave me and the small reminder of what my priorities should be.

So, this year, I wanted to play again.

I prayed for a word, but I didn’t like the word that kept coming up (anyone else feel me?). Finally, knowing I couldn’t ignore this word any longer, I surrendered to it.

ABUNDANCE.

Doesn’t it sound greedy? Selfish, even? I thought so too. It made me uncomfortable and I didn't like it.

But then God (there's always a "But then God" isn't there?) told me that this word is not telling me to STRIVE for MORE, but to remind me that I already have more than ENOUGH. My life is ABUNDANT.

Ohhhh….

So whenever I feel myself longing for more or jealousy rears its ugly head or I’m getting greedy or feeling the need to keep up and work harder, "ABUNDANCE" is there to keep me grounded, to put me in my place, and say, “Don’t do more, GIVE more.”

So that's me. ABUNDANCE. 

What's your word?