You Have More Time Than You Think

"Simply changing my words from 'I don't have time for that' to 'That's not a priority for me' has completely changed the way I organize my life.  Actually, the way I live my life."


I just finished 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think by Laura Vanderkam, and this book will CHANGE the way you view your life, view your schedule, view your week...hour by hour, perhaps even minute by minute.  


Laura Vanderkam says, "True time management is about filling our lives with the things that deserve to be there."  The premise of the book is that we actually do have time for fun and meaningful relationships and hobbies and volunteering and date nights even in the midst of our full time careers and raising babies.  Based on time-use surveys and real time diaries, none of us are really working as hard, sleeping as little, and as devoid of free time as we think we are.  

In short, we are less busy than we think, which begs the question...why do we FEEL like we don't have time for the fun stuff?  Why do we rush around like we are on fire all the time?  Why do we collapse into bed utterly exhausted and depleted? 




As a society, we have come to put "busyness" on a pedestal and wear it proudly as a badge of success.  We love to complain about shortage of time.  She says, "It is safe to say that time has become the primary obsession of modern life.  Some people are having enough sex.  Some people have enough money.  But no one seems to have enough hours in the day."


The stats are alarming: 

According to the National Endowment for the Arts, only half of us have read a short story, novel, poem or play in the last year.  Moms and Dads who are in the workforce clock a lousy 1-7 minutes of daily reading to or with their children.  But even stay at home moms of preschool-aged kids don't top 8 minutes per day.  Dual-income couples could find only 12 minutes a day to talk to each other.  A reported 20-40% of pets, primarily dogs, suffered from separation anxiety due to their absent, overworked owners. 

Where are the days, hours, and minutes going?  That's the thing...most of us don't really know.  We think we know, but we don't.  We check our email, and end up scrolling Facebook for 45 minutes.  So how do you give yourself what Laura Vanderkam calls a "time makeover"?  Keep a time log for two weeks.  Write down what you're doing in 15 minute increments for 168 hours.  Just like when you keep a food journal, or a budget, you become much more conscious of how you are actually spending your time.  

I did this for two weeks, and it really kept me accountable to being purposeful in my everyday tasks.  It kept me focused, so I could accurately log the time.  I created my daily activities into different categories as best as I could.  There are some activities that cross categories, and some hours unaccounted for, but nevertheless, here is what I found about me. 

I averaged 8 hours of sleep daily over the two weeks.  That doesn't surprise me.  I have always been very disciplined about getting enough sleep.  In week 1, I dedicated 12 hours to my Beachbody business, which seemed low to me.  But in week 2, those hours jumped up to almost 20.  Can I just say I love that?!  I love that I can work 12 hours one week, and 20 the next, as fits my schedule, with no boss breathing down my neck.  

Not surprisingly, hours dedicated to interacting with my children combined with household chores (feeding, dressing, cleaning, hugging, kissing, wiping, dishes, laundry, meal planning and prepping) averaged out to 41 hours each week exactly.  So that should help answer the burning question of what stay at home moms actually do all day! ;)  

I also chose to log the time I was INTENTIONALLY playing with or reading to my children, whether outside, doing puzzles, building blocks, or throwing baseballs, and sadly, this came out to about 1 hour per day over the two weeks.  Goodness, I wish that number was higher, but isn't that the point?  Since I did this, I have minimized my multi-tasking, and started prioritizing not just the care of my children, but playing with them, as well.  

I averaged 2 hours/day of free time where I chose to read a book for pleasure, watch TV alone, or watch TV with my husband.  I didn't put the spouse time in a different category, but perhaps I should have.  Because I can say with certainty that the majority of that 2 hours came from spending time at the end of the day, relaxing and watching Seinfeld with Matt.  However, this is the point of the book.  I could be using that time to build my business, write more blogs, learn a new language, pick up a new hobby, etc.  But spending that time with my husband and choosing to have downtime myself is a just a bigger priority.  

We do have more time than we think.  

But can you have it all?  Can you do it all?  Laura Vanderkam claims you can.  She feels that if you make the most of your 168 hours, focusing on your core competencies (things you are BEST at and are most important to your personal fulfillment and productiveness), you can have it all.  

She recommends that full time working parents rearrange their work schedules if possible, so they can get home at a reasonable time, spend time with the family, and then work more in the hours after their kids' bedtime.  She suggests waking up early to spend a few extra minutes with the children before the morning rush starts.  She urges her readers to schedule fun stuff on the weekends, so they don't just end up sitting on the couch all weekend watching TV.  She gives great ideas for outsourcing the things that aren't most important, like shopping and cooking and housework.  

One of my favorite examples of a woman truly making the most of her time told how this mom would spend the extra ten minutes she had with her boys, after dropping her daughter at school, and before their school began, reading them Hardy Boys books.  I just loved that.  How many of us would just turn up the radio or be scrolling our phones instead of being INTENTIONAL even with the smallest increments of minutes.  

I think that's what we underestimate.  We underestimate what a few minutes of unplugging would do for our peace of mind.  We underestimate what ten extra minutes of quality time with our children could do for our relationship.  We underestimate how much we could learn in just ten minutes of reading a good book.  Where do you have pockets of time that could be used more purposefully?  

That being said, I still don't agree that you can have it all.  I know that's an unpopular opinion in this day and age.  And I fully welcome conflicting opinions.  But here's where I stand.  As a stay-at-home mom, I am definitely not on the floor playing with my kids for 8 hours/day.  I am not doing puzzles and playing dolls and painting and reading to them for even half that amount of time.  And as a stay-at-home mom, I believe I need to be just as intentional as a working mom to make sure I am spending that face to face time with my children, totally distraction-free.  It is absolutely essential.

But I don't think you can measure or count the number of interactions that take place throughout a full day of stay-at-home mommy hood.  The kisses and hugs and sweet words and funny moments that happen in the unintentional times--in the middle of laundry and making peanut butter and jellies and wiping little bottoms and picking up toys--can't be numbered or accounted for.  

Those long, slow, seemingly endless days at home with little ones can never be replaced or repeated.  Even when I'm struggling, even when I'm tired and overwhelmed, even when all I want is to get away, I recognize the pricelessness of this season.  I know that in five years, I will look back with longing at this sweet time of tiny feet pattering and small voices asking for another snack, and chubby arms touching me all.day.long.  

And may I just say that I know being a stay-at-home mom is an absolute luxury.  I don't take that for granted.  And I know that many families don't get to make that choice. 

So while I disagree that we can "have it all", Laura Vanderkam forced me to take a long, hard look at my day, hour by hour, minute by minute, and be aware of how I was spending that time.  It is empowering to look at your week with a blank slate of 168 hours, and choose to fill those hours in a way that will promote the utmost productivity, in the areas that matter most, leaving margin for what brings you joy and fulfillment.