How To Be Better

"How are you feeling?"

29 weeks in to this pregnancy, I have been asked this question a lot.  My most recent response  has been...

"I feel great right now, but ask me again once this baby...baby NUMBER FOUR is actually born."  

The truth is, it's been the kind of week where I wonder how we are going to do it.  How will I properly attend to this precious newborn baby's needs while simultaneously fulfilling the very real needs of my 2 year old twin sons and my 4 year old daughter?  

This week, it's been scary to think about.  I have felt inadequate and unprepared for the huge adventure ahead.  This week I have struggled to train and love and discipline and nurture the three children I have.  It's been a tough week...the kind of week where you give yourself credit for surviving at all.

But it's also been the kind of week where you realize you need to re-evaluate and decide to become better.  It's the kind of week that motivates you to stop worrying and start praying.  It's the kind of week that makes you want to be the woman God created you to be, not the one you currently are.  

I am going to be more intentional...more intentional in my prayer life, more intentional in my marriage, more intentional in my parenting.  How? 

1. I was recently hit by Peter Haas' quote, "if you're praying more for circumstantial things than for character, you're out of sync with God."  Guilty.  So I am going to start praying for God to make me in to the mother and wife He wants me to be. I am going to start praying for my children more specifically.  I am going to start praying for my marriage more purposefully.  

2. Matt and I have been busy.  We've been overwhelmed.  We've been stressed.  This has allowed for some dissension to enter our relationship.  We haven't been connected the way we should be.  There is no room for space between us when this baby comes.  We need to be on the same page, with the same vision, and clear expectations. We need to be one.  It's time for Matt and I to carve our more one-on-one time for each other.  And he agrees.  

3. I have struggled to be intentional in my parenting.  I wake up with the right attitude, a beautiful plan for our day, and by 8:17am, I am already in survival mode.  Perhaps, I need to just be.  I need to rest in Jesus.  I need to be present.  I need to take the time to teach and discipline even when I don't feel like fighting my stubborn toddlers.  And I need to keep reading.  I need to invest in learning and growing as a mother because it turns out that incredible, Godly children usually don't happen by accident.  They happen because of intentionality, purposefulness, and a lot of prayer.  

So while I feel overwhelmed, doubtful, and scared, I also have a renewed sense of hope and peace and excitement.  Why?  Because I have a God who is far bigger than my doubts and fears.  I have a God who allows us to grow and CAN make me better.  I don't have to be stuck the way I am.  I have potential!  And I might even be able to pull this 4 kids, 4 and under thing off thanks to the power and grace and kindness of God.    

So what are you reading?  What books have made you better?  What habits have improved your life, your motherhood, your marriage?

I am freely taking prayers and suggestions!