Transparent Mom Post

Yesterday was not my best day as a mom.  I felt hurried, distracted, impatient, tired, overwhelmed, and my sweet Sienna probably bore the brunt of it.  I just wasn't PRESENT the way I've been working so hard to be.  I wasn't focused on them.  I didn't put my phone in the drawer the way I committed to.  I didn't just sit on the floor and play with them enough.  I didn't listen with open ears, an open heart, and like I had all the time in the world.  My low point was when I became unnecessarily angry with Sienna for something (I've already forgotten what...what does that tell me?), and she said to me, "Mommy, don't get SOOO angry..."  Ouch.  

Nap time finally came, and even though there was peace in my house, there was no peace in my heart.  I felt sad.  I felt like I had let my kids down.  I felt like I was starting back at square one.  Even with the "free time", I was not productive because of the stormy emotions stirring within me.  Why is is that some days we need 97 do-overs and other days we don't need any?  

An hour in to nap time, God gave me another chance.  He gave me a gift packaged in a little girl who had an accident in her bed (which she hasn't done in months).  This time, I took advantage.  I held my sweet girl who was crying tears of embarrassment and shame, and made sure she knew how wonderful and valuable and smart she was.  I carried her to my bed where I captured the rare moment of just holding her close.  For my vivacious, chatty, busy, squirmy three year old, those moments are very few and far between.  I had the pleasure of just listening to her breathing as she went in and out of sleep.  THIS time I wasn't thinking about what else I needed to get done or how I hadn't checked enough items on my to-do list.  I was able to just BE.  Those 20 minutes were the most peaceful, love-filled part of my entire day.  

I am hoping to mess up less, and be present more.  But yesterday was such a great reminder that as much as we mess up, there will ALWAYS be another opportunity to be your children's biggest fan, to get it right.