The Comeback Kid

Have you ever gotten off track?  

Have you ever decided to focus on a course, but along the way you get distracted, so you veer off, dabble, and end up more confused than ever?  

Have you ever been confident in your strengths, only to quickly lose that confidence when you start looking at others and what they're doing and how successful they are?

Me too.  

Almost exactly a year ago, I decided to focus on this blog, feeling confident that my writing was going to be the best and most effective way for ME to reach people.  I really enjoy writing, and some even say I'm not too bad at it.  I felt like a blog would give me the opportunity to share my thoughts, and struggles, opinions, and lessons learned in all aspects of my life.  I hoped my blog would help me reach people beyond my circle, make new friendships, and new business contacts.   

Then I started looking around.  I started noticing how this person had a wildly successful youtube channel, and this person seemed to be having almost instantaneous success on a Facebook like page.  

So I dabbled.  And dabbled.  And became more and more confused about who I was, where I wanted my business to go, and what my true mission was.  

After weeks of inner turmoil, unnecessary stress, and soul-searching, I realized that I really just wanted to blog again.  I missed it.  I missed expressing myself through the written word and sharing my vulnerabilities and victories with whoever might be reading.  This blog makes me feel proud.  This blog makes me feel the most ME.  I don't have to pretend when I am blogging.  

So.I'm.back. 

And guess what else?  I have another huge confession to make.  And this one hurts a little.  In a whisper here and a stirring there, the way God does, He spoke to me.  

(I literally just had to swallow my pride and fear before I typed this next part out.)

I haven't been using my platform enough for His purpose and His glory.  Ouch.  But He's right.  I can preach health and fitness all day long...I obviously seem to have plenty to say by the looks of my Facebook page or my last few blog posts.  But what about Him?  In parenthood, in marriage, in career, my greatest passion and commitment should always be Him. 

How can it not be?  How can I have SO MUCH to share about the 21 Day Fix, yet too infrequently, do I share about who HE is and His grace and His blessings?!  

I've been scared.  I've been shy.  I've been too comfortable.  I haven't wanted to step on anyone's toes.  I still cringe as I write this.  Whew.  

And then I had another thought.  Why would God allow me to expand my reach when I am not taking care of the network I already have?  Why would He bless me with more followers, friends, or readers, when I am not sharing Him with those I already  have access to?  

So that's that.  As much as it hurt to realize that truth, I feel more peace than I've felt in weeks.  I have a new confidence and a new purpose.  I feel refreshed and renewed because in the midst of my failings, I've been showered with God's grace. He's giving me another chance because He always gives us another chance.

So I'm back and I'm grateful.