But here's the thing. You know as a new parent, when people ask you, "Do you even remember what life was like before you had that sweet baby? Can you even imagine life without him (her)?" I never know what to say. I tend to smile sweetly and nod.
But the honest, real answer? "YES! I completely remember what life was like before these beautiful children, and sometimes I want THAT life back!"
Matt (my husband) and I had a mini breakdown yesterday. He was bored. I felt trapped. We've been grinding and doing what it takes to survive, and it caught up with us yesterday. The truth is, I believe we are doing pretty darn good with all the changes that took place in our lives over the past year. We have routine, our kids are hitting all their milestones (the true indicator of good parenting), we have date night once a week, we communicate well about our expectations, our children seem to be thriving and even happy...We are good. We are great most of the time. But it doesn't mean this season of our lives with a three year old daughter and twin ten month old sons is easy. It is really hard some days.
Somedays, we wish we could go to brunch after church without worrying about the boys' afternoon nap. Somedays, we just want to go grab dinner and see a movie without having to coordinate babysitting and show times and feedings and naps. Somedays, I would love to wake up whenever I happened to open my eyes, lay in bed for as long as I want, slowly sip my coffee, and not have any responsibility. Somedays I want to be selfish. Somedays I want to be spontaneous. Somedays, I wish we could go back to the early days of our marriage before we had children.
I always say that I can do this mom stuff Monday thru Friday, but I wish I had nights and weekends off.
We are blessed beyond measure. I am not complaining. I am not unhappy. I am not selfless. I am not perfect. But I do strive to be transparent and honest about my thoughts and the reality of what life is like when you have little ones around the house. I want to loudly proclaim that it is OKAY if you feel this way. I want to encourage my fellow mamas not to be so hard on yourselves.
So what are my remedies for these feelings of entrapment?
Hire a babysitter. Take a deep breath. Look at pictures of your sweet babies. Remind yourselves of something funny they said or did. Instead of cleaning your house, watch your favorite guilty pleasure reality show. Get off Facebook for an hour and read a good book. Stop comparing. Buy yourself flowers. Light a candle. Take a bath and LOCK the bathroom door. Breathe in their baby smell. Hug your husband tighter. Cry. Call a friend. Reach out to your Savior.
And here are some fun cards to make you laugh, instead of cry, or maybe both!
I enjoy reading your blogs Dara. They are refreshing honest. And you and Matt are doing great! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Sarah!! It means a lot that you read them : ) We miss you guys!
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